Sunday, August 9th was the hardest day in a long time. Not since high school graduation have I felt so simultaneously happy, sad, nostalgic, and some other emotion I can’t totally identify. After finishing filming the final episode of OVERDUE (the last episode of the summer), we ate pizza at one of our cast member’s houses and hung out. And when it was time for me to leave, go home, and pack for my vacation, I didn’t want to go. Not because I wanted to stay longer. I was pretty tired and actually wanted to go home. But no, I didn’t want to leave because it felt so final. To leave for a whole week? For the first time in my life I actually felt like I was leaving something behind. Like I had reason to stay. So even though I was ready for a vacation, I wasn’t ready to leave my friends for a week. And that was really hard.
On this momentous day, I want to tell you about another day. A day that wasn’t as fun and easy. A day that was hard. It was only a few weeks ago, but it feels like a lifetime because with these people every moment is so full of life that I feel like I’ve lived a thousand years in the past thirty days.
When I got in the car accident that (whether I like it or not) led me to this day, the biggest thing I remember was that the guy with whom I got in the accident got out of his car and shrugged at me as if to say, "What the f*ck, man?" And for a long time, that kept me up at night. I would wake up in the morning or in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and just burst into tears because I couldn't understand it. Why would someone, a teacher of all people, treat another human being with such disrespect, such unkindness? Why
would he do that? How
could he do that? I shed a lot of tears over that one. So as a result, I (whether consciously or not) became kind of a cynic. With that one shrug, I lost my faith in humanity a little bit. But over the past three months, I've regained it in spades. I've always wanted to be a good person. That's one thing the accident did for me. From that moment on, I decided I wanted to be someone who would treat a person with absolute kindness in that situation.
And maybe I’m wrong, or overreacting, and none of this actually matters. But this just feels really significant. That a group of people would continuously show up, week in and week out, to help me make this thing happen. That two people who I didn't even know until three months ago would spend the past 48 hours working around the clock to make sure our sound was good. That someone who I was only casually acquainted with in May could now be considered one of my best friends. That these people who I barely even knew a year ago could cause me such pain (like cry my eyes out in the car listening to Taylor Swift, pain) in their leaving. This just feels like a really significant thing, a really significant time in my life. I want to mark that. And I just want to be as good to other people as they consistently are to me. That’s all I want to do.
I hope you check out the first episode of OVERDUE, which will go live on my YouTube channel
at 7 pm. If not for me, do it for all of the other people who worked tirelessly on it this summer.
With lots of love & anxiety,