In Bloom

       Lately, I’ve been trying to do things that scare me. Whether it’s driving myself downtown to a writing class where I get honest, realistic critiques of my work, or going on a blind date with someone I barely know. The only way I’ve been able to convince myself to do these things is by telling myself one thing over and over, like a mantra. “Even if this goes badly, it’s an experience, and you can write about it.” And somehow, miraculously, that has changed everything. Now I look at every opportunity that presents itself to me as an experience. Good or bad, up or down, no matter how it turns out, I get life points for it. And this has made all the difference. I'm finding myself more inclined to try new things, and I’m just so happy that I discovered this little trick to sidestepping my anxiety. 

      This little technique doesn’t completely eliminate my anxiety, however. All it does it make me more willing to withstand it, and not let it hold me back. I still get anxious every week when I drive to my class— afraid I won’t find a parking spot in time, afraid of being approached on the street, afraid of rejection in the class itself. And lord knows I had a whole truckload of fears about my blind date. But ultimately, my desire to learn and to take in these experiences is stronger than my fear. And I’m starting to think that’s the key to all of this. If you have anxiety, just search high and low until you find a reason to go out that is stronger than your reason to stay home. 

     Some of us are late bloomers. It takes some of us a while to find our niche, to find a reason to go out in the world and experience it. But I promise you, no matter how certain you are that you won’t, one day, you will find that reason. And you’ll go out into the world and start doing what you’ve always dreamed of and start becoming the person you’ve always known you could be. It occurred to me recently that when you start to feel like you're total shit, like you'll never accomplish all that you dream... that's when you know you're close. 

    I hope this has motivated you to go out there and go after whatever it is that you are passionate about. That's what I'm trying to do right now. Thank you for reading, and I hope you all have a great week!