All month, I’ve been trying to decide on a word for the year. The word I want to pursue, the word I want to make my focus. This is no small task, which is why I’ve only just decided, and January is nearly over.
My word of the year for 2018 is intentionality. I prefer intentions to resolutions. So this year, I am focusing on intentionality. Bringing intention into everything I do. Buying what I need. Doing things that will incite progress, that will be incredible, nurturing experiences. Intentionality is basically asking the question- why am I doing this? more often than I think is necessary.
Part of this is process for me has been creating intentional spaces. I was talking to some coworkers of mine about this, about why we sometimes can’t sleep and have trouble unwinding. That is because, for most of us, our bedrooms have too much activity going on. We throw clothes around, we watch Netflix, we work from our beds. No wonder we can’t fall asleep! Therefore, I have made it a priority to make each space in my apartment super intentional. My bedroom is for all things relaxation. Yoga, meditation, lighting candles and reading. All of these activities make sleeping second nature. It is a room of peace. My living room is for TV, for big conversations, laughing and talking. The kitchen table is for eating. This one has been tough, because we do like to eat in front of the TV sometimes. But I’ve been working hard to guide us back to the table, to give us that time to connect while we eat. And last but not least— my desk. I don’t have an office, so my desk sits behind the couch in the living room. I am still working on cultivating this as my workspace, but it is absolutely where I work. I do not work from my bedroom. Sometimes I work from the couch, but I am trying to curb that behavior. All of this has turned my apartment into a peaceful, intentional haven.
That’s the main benefit of intentionality: it helps you to get really clear about what you want for each corner of your life. It helps you to go after your goals with a clearer mind and heart. I know that since I’ve made it my goal to be intentional, I’ll have that tested this year. But I’m ready for it. I’m ready to cut the fat— there’s no room in my life for bullshit anymore. Only truth and intention.
Which brings me to my next piece of self-reflection: intentionality and comparison. With this blog, my feelings often sway wildly. Sometimes I feel like I’m killing it, and that I love what I do here. Other times, usually after I’ve read someone else’s blog post, I don’t. I read friends blogs, and they’re so utterly poetic and dreamy that I think, “UGH I WISH I COULD DO THAT.” Sometimes, though, I read a blog post and think, “Blech. That is NOT me.” So this is a reminder to myself: I am not here to write like anyone else. I am here to write like me. That includes cursing, and that includes lame metaphors. Although I want to get better and hone my craft— honing my craft doesn’t mean I have to write like someone else. I am here to be unapologetically honest about my life, and to reflect on what is going on in it. That is my intention for this blog. It is the intention I set forth last year when I made it, and it is an intention that is still wholly true today. So stop comparing yourself, Fran.
Intentionality has already brought a lot of peace to my life. For instance, I’m getting better at weekends. Don’t get me wrong, I still had a full on panic attack/meltdown on Saturday morning, but I’m getting better, I swear. I’m getting better at setting intentions for what I want most out of my weekends, and planning my to-do list accordingly. No more insane laundry list that is impossible to accomplish and will therefore only leave me feeling like shit. My lists lately have included: Take a nap, go for a walk, read together, eat healthily. This has left us a little bit more room for (I know, I can’t believe it either) spontaneity! Last weekend this little bit of space we left open gave us the chance to go to the Women’s March downtown, which I don’t think I need to say was an amazing experience and one I am so glad I took the chance on. This weekend, that little bit of space meant I could go to an amazing yoga class with a friend from work.
On Sunday afternoon Eli and I found a trail near the apartment and walked a few miles through the woods. Intentionality brought us there.