I've been taking a break for a minute here. I knew it was coming, and I knew it was necessary. I got through the holidays, came out the other side on New Years, and have started to feel this urge for minimalism in my life. Ready to simplify at every turn. Anything can go. I'm like Emily Gilmore in the new season of Gilmore Girls, getting rid of everything that no longer serves me.
But I'm finding it hard to take my foot off the break and get started again. This happened a few years ago. Granted, I was traumatized and depressed, which is part of why I didn't go anywhere, and spent all my time in coffee shops, waiting for life to happen to me. Right now feels a lot like that, except I'm spending all my time at this new job. I feel like I'm on the brink of another creative and personal renaissance. I'm almost at the end of this down cycle, and when I come out of it everything will be clearer. I'll have a better idea of what I want to do, what I want my freaking hair to look like, and who I want to be. And I'll be ready to be that person. But right now I feel like I'm on this train that I have no control of, and we're traveling through mountainous terrain in a fog, so I can't even see where we're going.
So for now, I'm doing yoga. I'm trying to sit with this feeling somehow, and yoga is helping. I've always had a relationship with yoga. With stretching. When I was younger and played soccer, stretching afterwards was always my favorite part. Which is probably why I stopped playing soccer. I didn't really like the "playing soccer" part of it.
I have done it on and off since high school, but since starting this new job it has been more off than on. I just haven't found time for it. So during this creative and mental break, I decided to replace everything with yoga. I have done it every day since the first of January, which I know isn't the most incredible feat of all time, but I'm proud of it and I feel good. I'm proud of the fact that I did it even on morning 1 of my period, even though it was pretty much just me groaning on the mat, I am proud of the fact that I got on the mat. And I feel good. I don't think about it. Every morning, I just get up, (pee) and do yoga. Then I shower and go on with my day, knowing that I have already done something positive for myself. My body feels better, and my mind does too. I legitimately feel like I am learning something from being able to breathe through the pain of the poses. I am able to sit with my anxiety longer, and let it pass. I don't freak out as quickly, because I am more able to tolerate my discomfort, and then work through it.
So that's where I am right now. Still working hard at managing my anxiety and my self. Wishing you the best of luck with your goals for 2017.
Happy New Year,